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Jesse's poetry

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Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:36 am

First topic message reminder :

Poem about poetry tongue

As I begin to read the poem, I lose myself in the hedges of emotion,
Like a wild protest, causing a commotion,
In my mind, the thoughts are provoked,
They’ve stopped circulating; my brain has been choked,
So I step back, take a new perspective,
Now the thoughts are collective, they can make sense,
I’ve grasped the concept, and now I know it’s not just rambling nonsense.

I'm new to writing poems, so go easy laugh

EDIT: I know this is really short, I might expand on it later smile


Last edited by Splasher on Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:29 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 29, 2012 1:19 pm

Dan Poria

Paranoia clouds my every thought, my brain’s been left out to rot,
While hypocrites surround me, I’ve been cornered by the debris
Of my securities, my memories, 
Of what I could’ve been

The haunted walls creep closer, leaving me with no closure,
I've been trapped by my own mind, no exit that I can find,
Is this the start or the end? Cuz I don't remember what I've said,
Into destruction I've been led,

No longer am I numb, no more playing dumb,
I've entered a never-ending race, I've seen fear's face,
No chance I can win, now I can feel the pain within,
I'm letting the disappointment sink in,

So I'll stay in silence, containing my inner violence,
Waiting for the riot, so that I can fight it,
The feeling of falling down a bottomless pit, while my thoughts are omit,
The fire's been lit.

~
Finished, or one more stanza?

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Jul 29, 2012 1:23 pm

wow this one is great Jesse!

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 29, 2012 1:28 pm

Thanks Kate smile

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Mon Jul 30, 2012 8:53 am

Splasher wrote:Dan Poria


No longer am I numb, no more playing dumb,
I've entered a never-ending race, I've seen fear's face,
No chance I can win, now I can feel the pain within,
I'm letting the disappointment sink in,

That was amazing heart
I really loved this part ^

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Mon Jul 30, 2012 8:55 am

Thanks Sonia, I liked that part too tongue

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Wed Aug 01, 2012 12:44 pm

New poem I did in about 5 minutes, I'm tire so tell me if you see any grammar, spelling or other problems.


Tick Tock ~

Tick tock, the sound of a clock,
Beating out of time, in the centre of my mind,
Telling me to hurry up, go on and join the club,
The club of not knowing, what you're really showing, 
Of not actually meaning, what you're really feeling.

While it's members raise their hands, only mine withstands,
Seems like I've been here for as long as I can remember, the only member,
Waiting for people that never come, how could anyone be so dumb?
I've been deceived, by my false sense of security,
But I won't drop out and leave it behind me, for reasons only I can see.

And yet, still,
Tick tock, goes that clock,
Starting to re-align, in the centre of my mind,
Telling me to slow down, let my feet touch the ground,
Where I can finally kick back. Relax.


Last edited by Splasher on Thu Aug 02, 2012 9:55 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Edited a line.)

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:41 pm

I liked that a lot Jesse, especially the second stanza smile

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Wed Aug 01, 2012 9:51 pm

¡sonia! wrote:I liked that a lot Jesse, especially the second stanza smile

Thanks Sonia smile

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:55 pm

Need help with this one. Any suggestions?

Lifestyles ~

Why do we ignore the poor?
The men and women who never ask for more.
Why do we glamorize the famous?
Is being in a magazine become something to be celebrated?

So we'll give it all to those who have everything, 
Instead of giving something to the ones with nothing,
We'll tread on the feet of the working class heroes,
Look at fame's pay cheque and tell me that's not too many zeroes.

Why have we traded our passion for fashion?
Why do we look to the TV for a role model, people who can do nothing but dawdle?
Why are we all becoming the same, nearing endgame?
The answer is fame.

When the builders of the ground you walk on give up, we still won't say "enough",
Until we all fall down, in our own indulgence we will drown,
Until we see what we've done, a fate that can't be outrun,
You'll see, one day.

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Thu Aug 02, 2012 1:41 pm

These two are extremely similar. Which one is better?


Listen to Me ~

If I tell you to run, walk,
If I tell you to be silent, talk,
If I tell you to continue, stop,
If I tell you to stand, drop.

If you do what I want, you'll stuff up,
If you do what I want, you'll have had enough,
If you do what I want, you'll be seeing red,
If you do what I want, you'll be in over your head.

Don't listen to me, when have I been right?
Don't listen to me, everything ends in a fight,
Don't listen to me, you never have anyway,
Don't listen to me, I have nothing more to say.

Talk to Me ~

If you tell me to leave, I'll stay,
If you tell me to be still, I'll sway,
If you tell me to read, I'll write,
If you tell me to forget, I just might.

If I do what you want, I'll never forget,
If I do what you want, I'll have too many regrets,
If I do what you want, I won't forgive myself,
If I do what you want, I'll become another toy on the shelf.

Don't talk to me, I hate what you say,
Don't talk to me, you're leading me to dismay,
Don't talk to me, you're voice is sickening,
Don't talk to me, I'm not listening.

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:36 am

Great work Jesse smile
I love your poems heart
And I will start commenting in your thread more often tongue

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:40 am

¡sonia! wrote:Great work Jesse smile
I love your poems heart
And I will start commenting in your thread more often tongue

Thank you Sonia! grin

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Leonie on Fri Aug 03, 2012 8:47 am

awesome Jesse smile

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Mon Aug 06, 2012 12:56 pm

Thanks Leo! smile

Here's a poem Sonia and I collabed on smile

Before the Storm
~

Can you calm my restless heart,
Before my soul is torn apart?
This nightmare never ends
Because everyone just pretends
To be something they're not,
Dreading the attention they've brought,

Can you help me feel,
Before I can't tell what's real?
As the  inferno blazes on,
Will this duckling ever become a swan?
Because it feels so shit,
Knowing you're no-one's "it".

Can you be my obstruction,
Before I lead myself to self-destruction?
The storm continues to wreck havoc,
The damage left is savage,
And still you don't see,
You're the one who can save me.

~
Is it long enough?

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Mon Aug 06, 2012 3:58 pm

wow it's awesome you guys

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:00 pm

This is poorly written, rushed and vague. Enjoy smile

Take a Look Around ~

You and me, a concept I can't grasp,
No matter how hard we try, we won't last,
But I'll continue to fake it,
Hoping one day we can make it.

I can't believe that this is happening,
Pinch me, because this can't be reality,
It all feels like a dream, but we're still not right,
My heart is becoming darker than the sky's night.

Now they've jumped to the conclusion,
Leaving me in my own confusion,
Take a look around, can't you see?
Everyone's so sure. Except for me.

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:08 pm

I like that one smile
It doesn't seem poorly written at all

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:50 pm

it is very good and thoughtful

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:53 pm

This one's a bit of a mess as I edited a lot of bits that I felt were too personal to post.

Blunt ~

You've tried everything you can to give me the hint,
If it's my heart you're looking for, it's out of print,
But you can still get a second hand copy that's been through years of torment,
I'm sorry if this is hurting you, it was never my intent.

How nice of you, to think of me,
Although I would've preferred  to have been left free,
And now I think of the things I should've said,
Though it's too late, this cause is about as good as dead.

But I can still feel it's pulse, the bluntest of beats,
Take a few weeks to watch the cycle as it repeats,
See maybe something is here, an underlying truth,
Hidden by a mountain of lies, all built up in our youth.

Conquer the mountain, see the beauty that lies above,
I realize there's absolutely nothing I would get rid of,
I doesn't even matter that we're socially awkward,
But what's concerning is how  will we take a step forward?

So place your hand on my wrist, and tell me there's still a pulse,
The bluntest of beats still staggering, with no repulse,
Keep it there, until I can again finally feel,
It's taken me all this, but now I realize that this is real.

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by GreenDayBass on Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:52 pm

I like your rhymes :p

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:54 pm

I love it :')

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Thu Aug 09, 2012 2:00 pm

what's the story behind this?

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:58 pm

GreenDayBass wrote:I like your rhymes :p
Thanks smile Wait, Adam oh You posted in my thread :')

¡sonia! wrote:I love it :')
smile

Survivor of Violence wrote:what's the story behind this?
I'll PM you later

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:11 pm

okay

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:09 pm

This one's really personal and if I wasn't so tired I wouldn't be posting it tongue

You Know I Can't ~

Lately, I've been living on the edge,
Rarely, do I step away from the ledge,
When I'm looking down at the ants below,
The only thing I'm sure of, that I know,
Is you're infatuation with him will be the end, 
To everything I am, to the point I can't mend.

It feels so wrong, knowing you'll end with him,
Yet saying we're good together is going out on a limb,
But I need this, even if it won't last,
I'm living in the shadow he's cast,
"Maybe I'm just paranoid" I tell myself,
But it's becoming obvious I've been out on the shelf,
Or maybe I am just paranoid, and everything's fine,
But I'm still not sure, someone give me a sign.

I can tell you want me to be a supplant,
But more than anyone, you know I can't,
I can't just be the replacement while you wait for him,
I want to see the light, but it's just too dim,
Because I can tell that this is ending, slow and painful,
I should've known being with you was extremely baneful.

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:12 pm

awww really nice one Jess

Spoiler:
if not the 'ants' uuuhh

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:23 pm

Amazing :')

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:31 pm

Quick 5 minute, 1 stanza poem:


Pretending ~

Would you believe that I've never made it, only faked it?
Because it's getting on my nerve, that there's nothing I deserve,
But they still give me recognition, as if I've ever done something right,
Maybe one day, they'll realize the charade I've put on and see the light,
Yet that day never comes, as I tread along like I'm actually something,
But deep down I know, I'll actually amount to nothing.

~
Should I continue with it?

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:35 pm

it's great! leave it the way it is though.

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:39 pm

I like it, seems fine the way it is smile

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