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Jesse's poetry

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Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:36 am

Poem about poetry tongue

As I begin to read the poem, I lose myself in the hedges of emotion,
Like a wild protest, causing a commotion,
In my mind, the thoughts are provoked,
They’ve stopped circulating; my brain has been choked,
So I step back, take a new perspective,
Now the thoughts are collective, they can make sense,
I’ve grasped the concept, and now I know it’s not just rambling nonsense.

I'm new to writing poems, so go easy laugh

EDIT: I know this is really short, I might expand on it later smile


Last edited by Splasher on Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:29 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:37 am

+1 for this banana

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:39 am

Thanks Kate grin

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:56 am

really good, can't wait for more to come!

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:15 am

Great work Jesse grin

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:19 am

Thanks Sonia grin

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:14 pm

I extended the poem out, although I don't think it flows as well:

As I begin to read the poem, I lose myself in the hedges of emotion,
I'm trapped in a maze, with no end in sight,
I start a wild protest, causing a commotion,
I can barely see through the thin shards of light,
In my mind, the thoughts are provoked,
I'm thinking too hard, something's going to give,
The thoughts have stopped circulating; my brain has been choked,
I'm searching for it, but I still can't find their motive,
So I step back, take a new perspective,
The light becomes wider, brighter,
The thoughts are collective, everything comes together,
It was perfectly set-up, a dead ringer
I’ve grasped the concept, and now I know it’s not just rambling nonsense.

EDIT: Change some lines, better?


Last edited by Splasher on Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:16 pm

lol it's defo funnier. but i don't like the 'thin shards of light' used twice

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:24 pm

much better! strong RA influence laugh

pretty good laugh

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:28 pm

Thanks again Kate, and yeah, there is smile

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:34 pm

laugh

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Mon Jul 16, 2012 9:17 am

Short work in progress, only 4 lines long at the moment. I'm basically trying to make it in all metaphors tongue

I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,

Anyone have an idea of what I'm talking about? laugh

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:18 am

lol no but it's so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:48 pm

*cough* WAR *cough*

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Mon Jul 16, 2012 2:08 pm

rrrriigggghhhttt... sorry lol. now it makes sense laugh

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Tue Jul 17, 2012 9:06 am

Splasher wrote:
I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,


I loved it grin
Again, great work thumbsup can't wait until it's finished

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Tue Jul 17, 2012 1:21 pm

¡sonia! wrote:
Splasher wrote:
I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,


I loved it grin
Again, great work thumbsup can't wait until it's finished

Thanks Sonia smile The full thing should be done by Friday (not really in the mood for writing at the moment)

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by punks13 on Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:02 pm

Woah. They're awesome. You're great!

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It's not too late, we have the rest of our lives."


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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Tue Jul 17, 2012 8:45 pm

Thanks Abbie smile

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Wed Jul 18, 2012 6:25 am

i love these lines jess

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:13 am

Done I think:

I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,
Many enter me, not all leave,
For those who don’t, I grieve,
But I’ll never stop, not in this state of the union,
After centuries, I’ve become the awkward stranger lurking at the reunion,
I am the voice on camera, pleading for an end,
To brutality, to immorality,
To travesty, to catastrophe,
I am the voice off camera, pleading for a stop,
To reality, to liberality,
To sanity, to humanity,
If I leave, which I won’t,
They’ll still be trembling, to the bone,
What’s that they hear?
Rapid fire or the highway, they can’t tell,
It’ll grow under their skin, like a defective cell,
When they can take no more, I still won’t stop,
I will keep going, day and night, nonstop.

Any constructive criticism?

EDIT: Random start to a poem I did, I don't really like it at the moment, so I might start over rather then editing/adding more to it;

We're all afraid, of what we might become,
We may be hopeless, but we're not plain dumb,
We can see something's happening here, it's an aroma in the air,
Something sick, disturbing, like an evil clown stumbling in a fair,


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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Thu Jul 19, 2012 12:03 pm

Great poem Jesse grin heart

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Thu Jul 19, 2012 1:11 pm

duuuude!!!!


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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Thu Jul 19, 2012 1:25 pm

Yes Kate? laugh

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Survivor of Violence on Thu Jul 19, 2012 1:26 pm

you are AWESOME!

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Thu Jul 19, 2012 8:32 pm

laugh

Thanks Kate grin

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 29, 2012 12:35 pm

Work in progress:

Dan Poria
~

Paranoia clouds my every thought, my brain’s been left out to rot,
While hypocrites surround me, I’ve been cornered by the debris
Of my securities, my memories, 
Of what I could’ve been

The haunted walls creep closer, leaving me with no closure,
I've been trapped by my own mind, no exit that I can find,
Is this the start or the end? Cuz I don't remember what I've said,
Into destruction I've been led,

~
Should I continue?

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Sun Jul 29, 2012 12:39 pm

Splasher wrote:

~
Should I continue?

Please continue rose

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by Splasher on Sun Jul 29, 2012 12:42 pm

¡sonia! wrote:
Splasher wrote:

~
Should I continue?

Please continue rose

I will smile Thank you hug

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Re: Jesse's poetry

Post by ¡sonia! on Sun Jul 29, 2012 1:07 pm

Splasher wrote:
¡sonia! wrote:
Splasher wrote:

~
Should I continue?

Please continue rose

I will smile Thank you hug

You're welcome hug

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Re: Jesse's poetry

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